jctc_summer2014


Creative Writing Summer Session

Rockin' the web this July


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Prompt 8: The Unwanted Visitor
kknox0009 wrote in jctc_summer2014
It was a cold and stormy night. Emma was reading a book on the couch when the doorbell rang. She wondered who it could be. She had not been expecting any visitors and it was later in the evening. As she peered out the window she saw a man dressed in black. She figured that it was a man selling something by the attire he was wearing. She answered the door with intentions of saying that she wasn’t interested.

When she opened the door, she saw a tall handsome man with dark hair and dark eyes. She immediately felt attached to this person and she had never even met him. He introduced himself as Lu and stated that he was in the home security business. He began to point to certain areas of the house that seemed to be unprotected. Emma decided after a few minutes that he seemed like a great guy and invited him in to show her more areas of the home that needed to be secured.

While walking into the kitchen Emma began to feel quite sick. She began to sweat and feel as if she was on fire. She turned around and watched as Lu smiled in an evil manner. Lu pulled the hood up on the black jacket he was wearing and approached Emma slowly. He then leaned over and whispered in her ear, “ I am here to steal your soul, for I am Satan”.

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This made me think of a movie where the daughter answered the door while she was on the phone with her mom. The guy who was at the door came in and raped and killed her. I was expecting your story to go the same way. I can't remember the name of the movie but it was scary. I never answer the door if I'm home alone. One time a man came up to my door at 6 o'clock in the morning. It was just me and my younger brother there and he said he was here to pick someone up. There was no way I was opening that door. I told him to leave and he went a few doors down and started banging on my neighbors front door.

What a creepy story! Great job! You had me intrigued from the beginning.

It's an interesting start - there's not a lot of development happening but it could turn into an interesting exploration of evil.

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